If the shoe fits

My Husband and I recently celebrated our wedding anniversary. Looking back, Never had I imagine that I will be his wife. But GOD has a special way of unifying two different people to create a beautiful music together.

I remember making a mental list of an ideal guy I wanted to marry wayback in high school days – asking GOD for the one that fits that description; and for a sign through a dream that the one that I’ve been waiting for has arrived.

As I reminisce, we’ve been a couple nearly five years before we tie the knot. Prior to that event, I dreamt of my husband (who was my boyfriend then) giving me the one thing that I asked GOD for as a sign that he will be the one that I will be marrying.

A couple of days after that dream, I mentally access the traits of my boyfriend versus the list of qualities of the guy that I asked GOD for as the one that I would be marrying and surprise! My then boyfriend (who is my husband now) fits the list perfectly!

Not only that, I had a conversation with him regarding the dream that I had previously without going to the exact details. And…another surprise! As he told me he had the same dream during that night and mentioned the exact thing he gave me on that dream, the sign that I was asking GOD for years ago for the guy that is meant to be my spouse.

Funny and incredible, huh? I must say we really are meant for each other.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”Genesis 2:18

“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”Matthew 19:4-6

Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.Genesis 2:23-24

Bloom or Gloom

Last month while spending time with my niece, I chance upon two consecutive weeks wherein the Holy Mass Homily centered on the parable of talents. The Priest’s sermon focused more on our accountability during the graduation day – the review of the life we had here on earth once we came face to face with GOD in heaven.

It bothers me because I have to admit that for decades I have been stagnant. GOD presented a lot of opportunities for me to use my talents and along with it the challenges and hidden provisions he longed to provide. But then, I choose to either ignore it, procrastinate, let fear overcome me and still proceed with the more familiar comfort zone wherein there is no growth.

Now as this year is about to end and the new year 2021 approaches, I can’t help but envy most of my acquaintances who are living their lives to the fullest – they chose to faced the struggles that came along with the blessings GOD gave them.

I can’t help but wonder if there is still enough time to fulfill GOD’s purposes for my life which I’m pretty sure will be for my own good and both our pleasures. As it has been my habit to read devotionals and the Bible whenever I have this ‘doubting’ episodes, I luckily stumble on these verse which I think meant to encourage me:

Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.” – Romans 12:11 ESV

Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.Proverbs 12:11 ESV

Connecting Dots

When I was a child, I enjoyed playing puzzles, one of them is connecting dots which will eventually lead you to decipher the hidden picture.

It exercises my mind and as I grow older, help me to be more analytical and intellectual. Because of this, I became a believer of the adage: “There are no accidents, everything happens for a reason”.

This year 2020 presented a lot of challenges for all of us. But if we will review some of the important events that occurred in our lives, we will see lessons, opportunities and even protection GOD sent for each one of us.

For me it would be that GOD made me realize that a simpler life is more beautiful, any excess won’t make my life more meaningful if HE is not the center of it; HE even answered my long time dream of working from home, HE provided blessings along the way and most of all – this blog had finally materialized.

That’s why when in doubt, this Bible Verse should pop up in our minds:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

“Whether for correction, or for His world,
Or for lovingkindness, He causes it to happen.
Job 37:13

The Mustard Seed of Faith

When I was younger, I use to believed the impossible. I used to daydream and always am unrealistic. In my excitement for the fulfillment of my dreams, I would often tell people around me about it even if I haven’t taken any steps towards it’s fulfillment.

Because of this, sometimes I would often find out that they have already stole my idea and were already ahead of me in making their dreams turn into reality. Other people would sometimes label me as ambitious. This has discouraged me a lot and slowly, I became in touch with the reality until I became the cynic version of myself.

Instead of becoming an encourager, I find myself discouraging other people to lived up to their dreams. I became stale and no longer interested in pursuing any growth opportunity.

However, this pandemic as I fight the anxiety, stress and fears for the widespread unknown future, I learned to trust GOD more. I cling more to him, spend time with him each day for me to survive. As I do so, he slowly showed me how he is gently changing me back to my original state – trusting and full of hope.

I learned that to be able to believe the impossible, we must accept it’s opposite – the possibility of things to become reality. GOD thought me that whenever I slowly face each fears with him, my faith is growing. Until the things I thought to be impossible is really possible – with HIM by our side.

Luke 18:27
But He said, “The things that are impossible with people are possible with God.”

Matthew 17:20
And He said to them, “Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you.

The Barren Wife

“So when are you going to have a child?”

“Oh, you still don’t have kids?”

“I wish that GOD would open your womb.”

“I pray for you to experience having a child.”

Above are the questions and wishes I often heard whenever old and new acquiantances learns that my Husband and I are childless. And more often than not, the fault falls on me – without them knowing the real reason as to why we are on this situation.

At first, I was really affected. For years, I questioned GOD why he is not granting us a child so we can be a complete family. I even pass on opportunities for me to grow my career because of my dream of motherhood.

Then I became envious of my friends and colleagues who had kids. I became bitter towards life and later on, I became apathethic. Now, already in my early forties and having subject to various illnesses, I am no longer hoping to have a child.

I really thought I was way past those self pity phase. Until a couple of weeks ago, I heard my Father talking to my cousin and replying that my husband and I are childless. The pain seeps in again.

He never meant to be tactless and he was just answering a question. But the memories of being envious and bitter towards our situation freshened up again especially since we are on a long distance relationship past a decade already.

During this moment and in the past years of wallowing in self pity, I sought GOD and would often ask him to remind me always that I am loved and complete eventhough we are childless. After all, GOD is the only one who can complete us.

Isaiah 54:1

“Shout for joy, O barren one, you who have borne no child;
Break forth into joyful shouting and cry aloud, you who have not travailed;
For the sons of the desolate one will be more numerous
Than the sons of the married woman,” says the Lord.

Galatians 4:27

For it is written,
“Rejoice, barren woman who does not bear;
Break forth and shout, you who are not in labor;
For more numerous are the children of the desolate
Than of the one who has a husband.”


Ecclesiastes 3:1-5 (New International Version)

A Time for Everything

“There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.”

I always say that patience is not my virtue.

When I was younger, I was full of ambitions, full of dreams and sooo full of myself. More often than not, I would find ways to get what I want in life, even if that means I need to stomp on the rights of those people around me.

Because of this, they learned to hide from me the things which they think I should not know and eventually it lead to fall out. I had to be stuck in a ‘shelf’ for me to learn the repurcussions of my actions.

This pandemic has brought me to a lot of time to contemplate about those seasons in my life.

I realized that GOD was slowly answering my prayers in his own time and his own ways. A lot of my secret prayers were answered. I also learned that when he says No – it’s actually for my own good, that he wants me to wait for his perfect timing and not force things to happen in undue time.

As they say, if things were really meant to be, then It was really meant to do so in the first place.

Fish and Bread

When I was just starting to work after graduating from college, I had a meager salary which I always have to stretch so it would reach until the next payday. Back then, whenever I go to church each Sundays, I only give coins during offertories. Fast forward to 20 years of working in the corporate world and I now have the ability to give full tithes each time I received my husband and I’s salaries. Now, I wrote this blog entry not to brag but to emphasize the importance of us being faithful to giving tithes. After all, it is written in the old testament:

Malachi 3:10-12

10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. 11 I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not drop their fruit before it is ripe,” says the LORD Almighty. 12 “Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land,” says the LORD Almighty.

When I started giving him our full tithes almost 5 years ago, no matter how small it is, he gradually blessed us both. We were able to have things we didn’t imagine we’ll be having. Visit places we just dream of and collect experiences and fond memories. We still don’t have the things we hoped for – kids and a career we wished to have. Up to now, we still don’t know if we will be able to have them.

But GOD has protected us both from harm, kept us both safe while we are on Long Distance Relationship. He also maintained our jobs while we are on this pandemic and apart from that, the tithes we kept for him became an instrument for us to help a lot of people – just like the parable of the fish and bread in Matthew 15:32.

How faithful indeed GOD is.

The Source

Empath or Empathy…I think I have this kind of gift. Why do I think so? Because I can sense whatever a person feels even though they don’t say it. and what’s worst? it’s magnified whenever I felt whatever they felt. Sometimes it helps but more often than not, it doesn’t.

During the early days of this pandemic season, I felt my Mother’s fear and anxiety. Same thing happened to me whenever my husband is here. I can sense his worries and uncertainties. Whenever somebody is happy or elated, I can sense it too.

You might be wondering what’s the connection of this subject of my blog entry to what I am writing right now…we’ll I just realized that if we are getting the source of our energies at the wrong places or wrong people…chances are it will be easily depleted or it won’t last.

But if we are getting it at the right source – our Lord Jesus Christ then it won’t be depleted and it will last at all times. Because he is the Alpha and Omega, the Creator – the Perfect Source of everything good here on earth.

Revelation 22:13 I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.”

Isaiah 40:30-31King James Version

Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

I am Enough

I am a middle child in a family of nine. Ever since childhood, I have always been seeking attention – with my family, with friends, at school and even at work. Even in my married life now, I compete for attention against my husband’s work. It’s difficult because, I always have to prove myself just to be noticed to the point that I have to pretend to be somebody because I have to please other people so that they can accept me. For four decades, I live like that. But this time that I am in my forties (I am now 42), I contemplate a lot, especially during this pandemic season. One of my realizations was that I don’t have to prove myself to other people or even to my own family and spouse. Why? because the Bible and the online fellowships I watch on says: I am a Child of GOD. And If I am a child of GOD, the conversation is over. It means I am a princess…because, LORD JESUS ​​CHRIST is King of the Universe. He alone created the heavens and the earth and everything on earth. And because he is the great creator and I became his child when he laid down his life to redeem me from sin by crucifixion, it means …I am made of high standard and I should not felt cheap … I am authentic, not fake, not low class a or an imitation … because of this, I have to live accordingly to how he created me – as an authentic, first class version of myself … I have nothing to prove to other people but I must reflect what I really am, the way he sees me – in the image of GOD the FATHER in heaven …. Not just me, but all of us who submit to him, follow him and trust in him as the one and only living God.

Genesis 1:27
God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

2 Corinthians 6:18
“And I will be a father to you,
And you shall be sons and daughters to Me,”
Says the Lord Almighty.

Fickle Minded

I used to be the type of person who knows what to do in life … has direction, knows what she wants and has a plan…well at least, that’s what I thought I was two decades ago… now 42 years old, I am feeling the midlife crisis… the things I previously pursued and planned to do…I no longer want to continue no matter how much my husband and I spent…now, I feel like I wasted everything – the resources and time which GOD and my loved ones gave me and the opportunity that was given to me – so that I will be able to have a better life. Now, all of them are faded memories… why am I having these realizations now? because, apart from the fact that I am getting older …I envied my former co-workers and acquaintances whose lifestyles are much better than mine now …They who did not waste time and resisted the fear and apprehension that they have and faced the trials and challenges in their lives and confidently trusted in their abilities and to God.

Why is Fickle Minded the title of my entry today? because, that’s how I am …even my husband is going nuts with me because I constantly change my mind … I can blame other people, my past experiences and situations for where I am right now… but what good will it bring? now that I am getting older and I can only do so much, I hold on to God’s promise that he is faithful and never changes his mind and looks after me … even if I make mistakes and sin, he is always there for to me …I just need to always have time with him and put him first in all the things I do, so that, no matter how hard the challenges I will face, I will be able to make it.

2 Timothy 2:13 If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.

Psalms 119:90  Your faithfulness endures to all generations;  you have established the earth, and it stands fast.