“So when are you going to have a child?”
“Oh, you still don’t have kids?”
“I wish that GOD would open your womb.”
“I pray for you to experience having a child.”
Above are the questions and wishes I often heard whenever old and new acquiantances learns that my Husband and I are childless. And more often than not, the fault falls on me – without them knowing the real reason as to why we are on this situation.
At first, I was really affected. For years, I questioned GOD why he is not granting us a child so we can be a complete family. I even pass on opportunities for me to grow my career because of my dream of motherhood.
Then I became envious of my friends and colleagues who had kids. I became bitter towards life and later on, I became apathethic. Now, already in my early forties and having subject to various illnesses, I am no longer hoping to have a child.
I really thought I was way past those self pity phase. Until a couple of weeks ago, I heard my Father talking to my cousin and replying that my husband and I are childless. The pain seeps in again.
He never meant to be tactless and he was just answering a question. But the memories of being envious and bitter towards our situation freshened up again especially since we are on a long distance relationship past a decade already.
During this moment and in the past years of wallowing in self pity, I sought GOD and would often ask him to remind me always that I am loved and complete eventhough we are childless. After all, GOD is the only one who can complete us.
“Shout for joy, O barren one, you who have borne no child;
Break forth into joyful shouting and cry aloud, you who have not travailed;
For the sons of the desolate one will be more numerous
Than the sons of the married woman,” says the Lord.
For it is written,
“Rejoice, barren woman who does not bear;
Break forth and shout, you who are not in labor;
For more numerous are the children of the desolate
Than of the one who has a husband.”